You can do this

I know it hurts, everyday does. When you stop and think long enough to feel.. it feels like there's spider fractures everywhere. It's like a giant spiderweb of cysts hardening into one giant scar in your chest, your core. It's okay, this will end one day. The scar will harden and then you won't bleed anymore. We'll always miss and lament what we lost but we can build on who we are. We can go and see the world with the boys. We'll get that red tailed boa, we'll name him Ringo. The emptiness will get shoved aside with other parts of our life. No matter what keep going, we need this. Don't give up. You're stronger then that, you helped others get where they needed to be. You have the boys to guard and love. Live life, enjoy every sensation, every heart ache and joy. Laugh at what life does and what happens. Love yourself and your children. You grew them, they are you. They have your in their faces and their mitochondria. Don't think that they are ever the problem, the world is. They just need you to show them how to step on the toadstools of life as they go.