Identity

So I listened to Hoziers' Cherry Wine the other day and it made me stop and ponder. It reminded me of my marriage. The song is from a male victims point of view but that makes little difference because at the core of the song it's the same message. How we lose our identity over time.
What is identity? It's what defines you as you. What you like, don't like, your dreams and aspirations, your self respect, self esteem, self awareness. They all make up your individual identity.
How do abusers take that away? They take measured and deliberate steps to program you, no this isn't a conspiracy statement, it is simply fact. Abusers work very hard to destabilize your perception of the world so that they can turn you into exactly what they want; a subservient slave with no real mind of their own.
They all follow the same pattern though they are different people. They make the choice to abuse you and strip you of your identity. They were not born this way, they chose this. The story of an abusive childhood may have been true but the choice that was made was voluntary. If you want to truly change....you work at it everyday of your life.  We choose to be who we are everyday, pleasant and positive or a self centered void of a person. I had to choose like so many before me and it was not easy...there were times I wanted to rage and curse the world. I was angry and rightly so but life is not a movie. We do not get the “closure” we see in movies...real life is very different.
What happens as a result, we take a step towards a future that never was natural path for us. The resilient, we survive that future, we accept out responsibility for the choice we made and we push forward. This is a hard path with many curves and bends in a once “straight” road. There is no easy path in life, only an easy assurance that life is what it is and you choose everyday how to address that. Empower yourself by being the type of person you want to be, not what “life has dealt you” it is easy to blame, not to change pun intended. :)