Smile like you mean it

Hi there, I hope you had a good weekend. Valentines means different things to different people. I can make many jokes but that’s what facebook shares are for. I’m here tonight to talk to you about a quote I read last week.

“Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won't either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.”

― Louise Erdrich, The Painted Drum

What does this mean? In my opinion it means life is about living. That can apply to you no matter the scenario. Most days, I have to remind myself to make the conscious decision that I will live today. It is easy to get caught up in life, caught up in the injustice, caught up in the drama. (Insert Van Wilder quote: It’s like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do but you never actually go anywhere.)

If I’ve learned anything in the last 6 years it is that life can pass you by and that fateful day when I woke up I asked myself, “Where did the time go?” The answer is, well life kept going. There is a peaceful assurance in that; the universe keeps on being, plants continue to grow and that breathe of life is still there waiting for you. I woke up in October of 2014 from an abusive relationship and I made a choice that seemed to boggle some but it made perfect sense. What do I do now? I will live! I suppose I could’ve dove into a bottle but that’s not living, that’s escaping. I had two little boys to think of. We celebrated Thanksgiving and Christmas with my family then I jumped feet first into a new life. I found help for myself and my boys. I hit the ground running and I'm still running after what I want from life.

And it’s true life isn’t meant to live alone. If you’re like me you need your recharge/zen time to center yourself but life is about interactions. We are a social species. I fought my basic instincts when I let myself be isolated away from family and friends. Without those relationships life can feel like you’re at sea: hectic, distracting, beautiful, powerful, free ,chaotic, energetic but it can also swallow you up nearly drown you and slap you against a submerged rock. Support is important, without my supports I wouldn’t be nearly so far down the road to healing as I am. Let’s face it, it’s much more fun to hit the Deadpool premiere with friends that it is alone though Deadpool was awesome in any case. :)

It’s not easy, I’m not telling you it is. I’ve had many struggles in the last year and a half but here’s a little secret: No matter what the problem is/ the day is like, it is always better than the life I had before. You know the best part? It’s that I can make tomorrow even better then today was. Can I change the world? That’s a big negative but I can choose how I react to the world. There’s an empowerment in that decision and it makes all the difference to my perception and attitude.  Look inward and outward, take back the control of your life. You’re only having a bad day and crabby because you choose to, not because the boys tried to dive off the the couch and the wailing mass of limbs are now kicking each other, after all they found by experiment that gravity and acceleration laws are real. I have tons of these examples..seriously...

My sister is a great example of this point: My youngest niece is under 2 and full of energy and righteous indignant fury when riled. My sister was at the store with her mid tantrum and my sister was laughing instead of the normal reaction of frustration most parents have at that point. The store clerk gave my niece a balloon all the while surprised by my sisters reaction.

You can’t control everything in your life, no one can, but you can control how you react, how you handle the situation. Laugh at absurdity, laugh at life and smile like you mean it. Don’t give life or others power over you and your emotions, take back the power! It’s a great feeling, try it for a week and see for yourself!   :)

Life gets crazy sometimes...

How did I get here?
My voice rings loud in my head.
Did I not see the evil?

Hi there! My name is Rachel and I'm a survivor of domestic violence.

Mahatma Ghandi once said: "Start changing yourself if you want to change the life around you."

Man, that's intense for some people and I get that but the truth is; abuse is so common these days the ones who haven't been touched by it are the minority.

Now for introductions :)

I'm a single mom of 2 traumatized toddlers. My oldest is 5 and my youngest is 3. I just turned 30 *gasp* and I'm in school to get my nursing degree *crosses fingers for acceptance into program*. I'm a CNA/Med Tech. I've traveled the US when I was younger before settling mostly in Utah during my high-school years. (Youth really is wasted on the young, it's probably a good thing I can't redo my high school years though)
I grew up a tomboy, there were times when I was out shooting bb guns and gaming it up then there were times when my older sister pinned me down to pluck eyebrows etc. As time progressed I started to balance fashion with my tomboy traits. I don't claim a label nowadays besides scorpio. I like what I like though I'm guilty of a love affair with shoes and heels but I'm short so that just makes sense.
I'm not going for an autobiography right now so we'll just skip ahead.

I'm not a psychiatrist or a social worker but I am an expert in domestic violence. I'm a woman who was in an abusive relationship. For 6 years I didn't change until I realized that it was necessary to survive and be there for my boys. 6 years is a long time for some and for me, it was an eternity. By the end I had lost touch with what normal was. Nowadays, I joke and call it my idiot coma because I was so isolated from everything that coming out of that and getting my life back was a reawakening, a rebirth.

As I've started the healing process back in 2015 I went back to school and I ended up in a communications class where you guessed it, I had to write a speech. I started researching the data because I realized that I wanted to start speaking out and breaking the silence not just in one class but whenever I could because it's bad folks: 1 in 4 women have been in abusive relationship and 1 in 7 men in their lifetime. That gets to be a large number once a year rolls by; 12 million adults. In one year, 10 million children have witnessed abuse or been abused.
As I've worked through this process it was hard for me to forgive myself for staying for 6 years but I've met some women that were in their nightmare for 15-20 years.
 I have a new outlook on life. I am so grateful that I left when I did. I am so fortunate to be alive. I have my boys and I have my family. I am reborn from the emotional, sexual, physical, financial, and spiritual abuse I experienced. The According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, victims to go back to their abuser is 16 to 20 times, this is 85% of victims folks. Thankfully, I'm part of the 15% that never went back. Life is worth every trial and difficulty because when you set goals, you have direction, you have strength.
Now here comes the challenge: look around you and change something you don't like in your life, whether its the procrastination of loading the dishwasher or putting your shoes away when you just want to jump in your pajamas.
Changing yours situation and yourself is challenging. I'm speaking right now because of all of you. I promise that you know someone that is currently or was abused. I was able to end my own crazy love story by breaking the silence. I'm still breaking the silence today, it's my way of helping others and it's my request of you. Abuse thrives only in silence, shine a light on it, monsters are only scary in the dark.


Repeat after me: "I am strong!" Repeat this sentence to yourself as often as you can, no you're not silly.