So I’m writing to you all tonight about a new development: guarding
ourselves and making decisions, we either live with strength or we live in
fear. It’s hard to always recognize when we start living in either spectrum,
what’s the difference?
“Guarding
ourselves in fear keeps us trapped in fear, it traps us in the past” – Chad Hanson.
As I’m walking thru life I find myself striving to remember this. It’s easy for
me to not notice when I drift back into the victim mindset. “Why is this
happening? What’s going on? I’m scared he’ll hurt me, I don’t want to let
anyone in”” They’re judging me” “What do they think?? They think I’m a bad
mother” Fear allows an old mindset I always have to push away. Living in fear
makes you question things for the wrong reasons, it keeps you from thinking. It
paralyzes your reason. It traps you in the past reliving those mistakes over
and over in a vicious and toxic cycle. We are not living life when we are
afraid. We’re using those boundaries as a shield against the world. When you
live in that mindset you seek validation for that fear. If we’re afraid of a relationship,
we can easily deflect with breaking our boundaries and using physical contact
as a way to validate and distract ourselves. When you’re kissing someone you’re
living in the moment and not listening to the doubts and fears in your mind but
they will come knocking later, they always do.
As I’ve come into this past year I have made huge strides but
remembering to always live in strength takes a daily habit loop I have to
instill. As I’ve started dating and I find myself in the situations where I am
opening myself up and being vulnerable that’s where this has been a block for
me. I had to sit down and ask myself:
Am I the same person I was when I was 25 and married the
wrong man? No I am not. The woman I am today has pushed, climbed and worked
through a road of healing that has transformed who I am. Could who I am today
ever fall for someone like my ex-husband before all of the abuse had started?
No, because I have grown, my expectations are where they always should have
been. I have learned to love myself and see the world in a new and fantastic way.
We have to always work on focusing on the positive and pull from strength.
When you feel that strength you ask yourself the questions
for the right reason. “Who is this person? What type of person is this? Does he/she
have values? Does he/she respect themselves?” “Does he/she respect my
boundaries and my decisions?” We should guard ourselves and provide boundaries
because we’re all pretty awesome people and utilizing these tools the right way
gives us the satisfaction of knowing that when we do progress in a relationship
and let that person past those boundaries it’s because they recognize us for
who we are as a person, they truly care about who we are. We must always demand
respect from ourselves and once we do, we will always demand and receive it
from others.
Living in strength is truly living. It frees us from doubt,
toxic and unhealthy thoughts of the past. The past is just the past after-all,
learn from it and move forward but don’t let it drag you down. You deserve
better than that. We deserve to live life, not watch it pass us by.
